Recovery

The first step on the road to a clean life is admitting you have a problem. Everyone has an addiction. My son is addicted to PJ mask, my co-worker’s husband is addicted to working out. No addiction is greater than the other. Growing up in the inner city of Chicago you saw a lot of things in your neighborhood. You seen single moms, single dads, bad kids, good kids and everything under the sun. Majority I seen growing was men & women on drugs. Seeing young people making jokes of individuals being on substance abuse never sat well with me. Being young, I didn’t want to tell my friends that my dad was a drug user. Being a mom now I kinda understand why….. I was embarrassed. Embarrassed that I would be teased by kids, whose parents were probably on drugs as well. Didn’t think that my parent being on drugs would affect my adult life but it kinda does.

It Affects Me in So Many Wayssays Donte, who’s mom is battling her drug addiction today. ” His mom declined to talk to me but I still wanted to know his feelings of this issue. He speaks on how his mom addiction affects him as an adult. “My Personal life was/is Affected The Worst . I Had So Many Dark Days Growing Up , I Had Nothing To Look Forward To , Nobody I Could Lean Onhe says. “I Was In Depression at a Very Early Age & It Effects Me Still To This Day . When Something Not Right I Just Shut Everybody Out , I Wanna Be Alone , I’m Not Sociable . I Don’t Mean To be detached To People But I Never Knew How To Respond To Those Things Because I Never Had an Outlet . All Those Emotions An Feelings Bottled Up In Me an I Still Have To Wear This Smile On My Face Because I Didn’t Want People To Judge Me . Still To This Day I Deal With These Issues , It’s Not Intentional Tho.” I have abandonment issues ” Kesa who speaks about her mom mentions.

Knowing that the person under this substance abuse is not their TRUE personality. I know when my dad is clear minded from drugs he is the best person ever. He is so funny, (I think I get my silliness from him), he has the best conversations. “She (his mom) Has The Biggest Heart An Would Do Anything For Anybody” Donte comments. ” She Just Has Some Demons She Can’t Get Rid of”. Asking Kesa has she ever saw her mom sober she replied. “Once when she got out of prison, that was the only time in my life.” I spoke to Kesa and her mom about being about her addiction. Like myself she was embarrassed about talking on her mothers road on to being sober. “till this day I don’t like telling her business. I feel like people was going to say something slick about my mom then I’ll have to be beat their a**”.

Talking to Kesa’s mom for nearly 20 minutes about the struggles she face about being on drugs. I truly appreciate her for being open and honest about her daily demons she faces. Even though she didn’t want to be named, I do feel that her testimony will give an in site into a world that I or some of my readers don’t know anything about. Now I won’t everything we talked about but just a snipped of what she said. Actually I started when I was like 22, coming up in the projects that was late in the game but I was still young“. she says. When asked what made her decided to start doing drugs. ” Just for one just trying to escape the problems I was going through with my child’s father and I was going through a lot of drama with him”. ” I wanted to numb myself out so my reality wont be real”. Like others she has tried to get clean and sober every now and then. ” it’s not that simple, as people think it is, it’s an everyday process.” while talking to her she said something to me that really sat in my mindBeing an addict is harder than having a full-time job”.  She goes to say that the reason for this is an addict is always trying to find their next high. You always hear or read what a person did to always get their drugs. I never spoke to a woman/man on what great lengths did they go get their drug. ” The craziness thing I’ve done for drugs is I think prostitution”. she says. At the end of out conversation Kesa’s mom stated to me that she is doing things little at a time to try to get sober. She is not going out as much as she is doing and she is spending more time with her grandchildren. She also has something to say for individuals who are doing drugs now. “Don’t get caught up in the hype. Don’t think that a drug can’t take a hold of your life.  That even goes for marijuana, they spraying everything on that loud. I went from doing nothing to a hard drug”. 

I know when I was younger, I was very angry with my dad when he was on drugs. I felt like he was choosing drugs over my sister and I.  Sometimes thinking that my life would’ve been different if I had my dad fully in my life. A lot of folks don’t realize how frustrating it trying to talk to your parent when they are in their moment.  My dad being on drugs did sorta made me look at things differently. I don’t try to get excited about people, places or things. I believe that my father and I relationship is getting better one day at a time. Truly understanding from my dads point of view I am more open and more motivating with my dad. 

Before you want to talk about a person dealing with substance, understand maybe that this person is gong through something. Pray that God keeps his loving arms around them. 

 

Comment below and tell me if you know anyone within their addiction. 

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My Struggles

Lately I have been really at a crossroads. I have been really questioning what do I want to do with this writing shit. I been writing for a while and I feel like I haven’t went anywhere. I want to have more readers, more exposure. To be honest I haven’t been doing the best that I can.

Majority of the time my mind has been really clouded. Clouded with so much unnecessary things. Also dealing with my anxiety. I can go on and on, but excuses are for the birds. Doing some true soul searching and really listening to friends. It is time for me to really buckle down and get serious with my writing. Understanding in order for me to gain more readers, I have to put the work in to promote my writing.

I want to apologize to my readers for not feeling that you guys wasn’t enough. Even if its only 5 individuals reading my blog. I know I am reaching someone with my words. I do appreciate you and thanks for the support. It’s time for me to get up and dust myself off and to be better in my gift/craft. From now on only greatness from this blog forward.

Comment below and tell me what goals you struggle with:

To Curve Or Not to Curve

I was sitting here watching TV, & thought what ever happened to the guys I curved. You know the ones who like you but you’re not just that into them. Now some guys may say that I am mean as hell, well that may be true. When you see me, I don’t always have a smile on my face but in my mind I do. The reason for this is, hell I’m going to be honest I’m not that friendly. I just don’t talk to everybody who tries to talk to me. I learned that everybody don’t need your number. Plus I don’t like my time wasted, one of the things you can’t get back is TIME.

Even though I am not approachable, these men came up to me or even slid in my DMs. It makes me wonder did I miss out on my blessing. I mean let’s be for real we all don’t know the book to this dating/relationship mess. My OLC (old lady crew) always told me God always sends us people that makes our lives better. I do believe that God sends you someone outside of your comfort zone. Who’s to say that one of those men was the one God sent in my life. And what did my crazy self do….. I curved them or just didn’t give them the time of day. I know God is looking down at me like “this is the dumbest child that I created. I know, I know I apologize God.

Perhaps, my eyes look at individuals that I know possibly I shouldn’t be looking at. I look at it like when you suppose to start a diet one day. When your starting this diet, you so happen to see some cake. Now you know you shouldn’t even be thinking about eating that cake but temptation. I personally want to apologize to all the men that I curved. Instead of just telling you Hell NO, I lead you on thinking it was maybe a spark there when in reality it wasn’t. I also want to apologize for not giving you at least one minute of my time. Just to hear what you was all about. I hope you can accept my apology. THIS DOES NOT MEAN COME BACK IN MY INBOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Starting my year off on a great note, this year I am going to look less angry. I don’t want to miss out on my blessings. Just because I am looking irriated or not approachable. Truth be told, a man that’s bold is not a bad thing.

Comment below & tell me if you should’ve talked to the person you curved.

(If you have a topic, that you want to be talked about email me: (jerrickarencher@gmail.com)

Friendships…

The other day I was on the phone with one of my closest friends. We was talking about a lot of important issues but friendship came up. I have been really fighting with myself as well as my thoughts about writing about this subject. So I decided to say “hey let me just write about it in MY own words, as always.”

Sadly I don’t talk to my cousins as much. My sister & I relationship is just getting back on a great path. This is why I usually go to my friends for advice or help. Because of the fact the OLC (old lady crew) & I are not the same age. Its certain things, I just can’t talk to them about. But lately to got me thinking, what is my friendships really build on. Do I really know them, and do they know me?

Some I can say that yes they do know me & kinda of know my attitude.  Sadly some of my friends really don’t. I think friendship is build on levels. Certain levels in your life friends come in whether it is to help you or hate to say it harm you. I remember when I had just moved and started a new school in 7th grade. Obviously when you come to a new place you are kind of afraid not knowing what life will throw at you. This is when my friend “S” (cause I won’t say her name)came in the picture. From then to now she acts like somewhat bossy but she tells me the truth. Even when I most definitely don’t want to hear it. I know she means me well and vice versa. This is why we are cool still today. I also remember when a friend told me that the reasons one of her friendships didn’t last was because they met in a hard bump in their lives. When one was doing good, it was nothing really to talk about.

I can honesty say that I don’t think I have been the best friend I can be to my fellow friends. I was always thought that hey people are grown and they will do whatever they want to do. Being honest with myself I know that, I don’t tell my girlfriends what they NEED to hear. That’s not fair to them or to me. Not only am I not giving them a mirror to show them their mistakes but I sometimes barely listen to them. This year, I really want to build a foundation with my friends. Not only pray for them but with them to speak some things into existence.

 

Comment below and tell me how your friendships are…

808’s & Heartbreaks

Since I wrote  The Goodbye Letter, its time for this lil mama to get out in the dating scene. Time for me to let these feathers fly.  But where should I start, hell how should I start. In my circle of friends we’re always talking about how it is so hard to start fresh with a man in this generation. So many men wants you for oral and physical sex. Then when you even think or start to say “relationship” they tighten up like a hooker in church. Don’t get me wrong, I am a strong powerful independent woman and don’t need a man for financial gain. Sometimes this independent woman wants to cuddle with a strong man. Usually I would get some advice from the OLG (old lady gang).  My aunts and granny gives great advice dealing with men and relationships. But I need a different touch.

When you may see me on the streets or even hear me talk; you may think I have a lot of confidences but I don’t. I am the most shyest person ever & it sucks. Majority of the guys I spoke to, my friends had to coach me into it. One reason is my aunts and granny taught me not to walk up and talk to a guy. “If the guy likes you, he will come and talk to you”, as they say. Well that may be true, but this is the dawn of a new era. Sometimes you have to step up and take a chance.  This brings me to that hateful word rejection . Everybody and I mean everybody hates rejection. Nobody likes to shoot their shot and the ball comes out the hoop. There has been plenty of times that I have been rejected & I would like to share one of them with you.

It was a while back & I knew this guy who was always was around & I kinda sorta thought he was cute. So I decided to gain some liquid courage and talk to him. Let’s just say it didn’t go in my favor. And I to walk away in the most awkward way. Nowadays rejection can really mess with your confidence. People don’t just say the “I’m sorry I’m not interested” quote. Women and men like to make an example outta you. Like calling you a clown or dirty, or even the most favorite Broke. It makes you wonder like damn whats wrong with me? Was it something in my teeth or something? Well nothings wrong with you, and we have dealt with this situation before and its life.

I am still learning how to handle rejection a these are the things that I have learned:

  • Don’t let that person ruin your confidence, just because they said no that shouldn’t stop you from talking to another person.
  • You are still beautiful and this person just wasn’t interested no big deal 
  • And it is what it is better luck next time. Don’t dwell on it. 

No matter what happens in my love life, it won’t break me.  The worst thing a person can say is NO,  and that’s cool.  And even though rejection is hard to deal with, it’s not the end of the world and it happens to the best of us.

Comment below and tell me a time you tried to shoot your shot and missed. 

 

How will you end 2017

HONEY  finally 2017 is about to end.  To be honest, I am glad this year is about to be gone. I think we all can agree throw this year away right with 2016. If 2017 was a person it would most definitely be DEBO from the movie Friday. This year has really beat the hell outta me. So much has happened, not saying all things was bad it was great moments as well. Just because this year you may have felt like it wasn’t the best for you doesn’t mean you have to end things badly.

What I want to do to prepare to leave the past behind me is start preparing for the future. As we all know we can’t think too much on the past because it happened and we can’t do nothing about it.  Only thing we can do is to continue to look forward. Now my very first post in my blog Goodbye to the old and Hello to the new,  I spoke about saving money for the new year which I didn’t do at all. Well I started to try to save 5.00 dollars every paycheck. That didn’t work out that well, I ended up taking the money out of my savings and spending it. But not looking at the negative, I can say at least I tried to do it.  Like everyone says “If at first you don’t succeed try to do it again”. This is what I want to continue to do.

Looking at somethings that was great this year, one was I graduated with my associates degree in communications. Some may look at that as a minor accomplishment, but hey a degree is a degree. Secondly I stepped out on faith & started with my blog. I said goodbye to a situation that was & still is hard. My son started “big kid school” while dealing with his condition. My BIG sister moved closer to me. Even though she gets on my nerves, I am happy she is here. Lastly, I wrote about my depression & how I am handling it. In 2018, I want to go back to school, to maximize my craft. Learning more about writing so I can reach more readers. Not to mention, I have been thinking about pledging a sorority.  I want to a least one time a week, to have an outing with my son. I never want him to feel as if he is placed on the back burner in my life. I also want to work on me mentally and spiritually. Other than bringing my material things, I want to bring something mentally etc. I want to do more but, I would rather not say but DO.

Being blessed to be able to see another year means you can start fresh. Ending this year on a great note, so I can step in the new year on a great note. Leaving unanswered questions in 2017. I am leaving unanswered people, in 2017. Whatever I didn’t achieve in this year, I can/will do 2018. Being able to grow & learn from every mistake that this year has shown you.  I must say 2017, you was very hard on me and I needed that ass whooping. I am glad to say that I thank God for letting me seeing me through & making it to the end of the tunnel. 2018, I am coming for you so be ready!!!!!!!!!

 

Comment below and tell me how do you plan on leaving 2017.

Black Women & Mental Illness

When you hear the word “Black Woman” what do you think of?  Maybe strong, magical, smart, nurturer, etc.  Growing up in a black family household, you never really spoke about your business. The quote I usually heard was ” what happens in this house stays in this house”. That quote stayed with me even today in my adulthood. As an adult now, I understand that my aunts and grandmothers really meant well when they said those words. They didn’t want people sticking their noses in something it has no business being in. Or because just maybe they didn’t want to be judged. I was raised if you have an obstacle face it head on, find a solution and get through it simple as that. But what if you can’t just face those problems by yourself. Usually my family would tell me to pray about it. Sometimes situations need prayer and action behind it. I do believe God send us individuals in your life to help you through each situation.

Many black women try so hard to keep up this “image” of superwoman 20161004_141543.png. We try to handle any and everything that life throws at us. But when life becomes hard who can you talk to about the rough patches. After my son was born, I fell into depression. Many would say it was postpartum but I felt like it was it was different. Here I was with a new child that has a this condition that I really didn’t know anything about. Plus, I was living with my aunt with no job. I felt really down and got really hard on myself. I was doing everything on my own and I my mind was running 100 miles a minute. To add on being depressed I had anxiety. I was thinking that I was being a burden/taking up space in my aunt’s house.  I didn’t want to tell my friends/family because I felt like I would be seen as crazy or even be judged.

For me to to keep my spirits up, here are of couple of exercises I did to mange my anxiety. Now I am NO doctor. I can only tell you what worked for me. For one I had to take time for myself.  I mean really sit and turn my phone on do not disturb and breathe. I learned how to mediate get the loud sounds away from me to clear my head. I had to learn to try not to be not too hard on myself. Count to ten understand everyone is not perfect, & we are all trying to get through this thing called LIFE. Finally I talk to a counselor. When I was growing up, if you heard someone was talking to a “shrink” you just thought they were crazy.  Now me being an adult, talking to someone who knows NOTHING about me help me be more open with expressing myself.

Again I am no doctor, this is what helped for me. Anxiety still rears it’s ugly head somedays, it’s all about not letting it take hold of your life. I think the best thing I was able to do was go to counseling. Getting everything out in the open is a great thing. Its natural for us black women to feel weak. It is okay for us to say “hey I need help, I cant do this by myself”. Its okay sometimes to step back from a situation and say “I need a break for a minute”.

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Comment below and tell me if you have anxiety, what do you do to handle it.